Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I Quit! At Least I Wanted To...

What a year it has been! Next month, we celebrate the one year anniversary of our launch date! Can you believe it? I had a collection planned for Jan 2012 and it was the collection I was waiting on. It is very different than my previous collections, this collection is a collection of nudes with a twist. We will still have this collection, but with a delay, it won't be ready for Jan as originally planned. It isn't like the planning happened over night, we have been planning this for at least the last six months. So it's a bit dissappointing to see this delay when I have been so looking forward to our one year anniversary. But we will see it none the less.

Here's the deal, I try to be as open and honest about running a business without boring you all with the details. I try to keep things mostly positive, with some careful frustrations being vented here. But the truth is a business doesn't just happen. Starting a business takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears. It takes hours of hard work, and more sacrifice than you thought you were capable of giving. I can't even begin to tell you how hard, yet satisisfying this year has been. It has been exciting yet exhausting, exhilerating yet stressful, joyful but full of emotion. It has been so hard, we still have so much to learn. I feel like there just isn't enough time. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know I need to do more, devote more, but sometimes I feel like I just can't. I have a full time job that helps support my family and I'm just not ready to give that up. Cult Nails is not to the point where it can take over the support. But maybe with a little more sacrifice it can be? But I'm all about sacrifice, but is it fair to my kids? Is it fair to tell them that they can't do that after school sport or activity because I am sacrificing? Is it fair to put them at that disadvantage for college because I wanted to sacrifice to make a dream come true? For me, they are not worth the sacrifice, they always will come first. So I work 40 - 50 hours a week for my day job, and then I work 50+ hours a week for Cult Nails. John also puts in as many hours working for the military and then for Cult Nails. Sometimes I think John puts in more hours for Cult Nails than I do. Sometimes I know for a fact that that is true.

Last Friday after another lab delay, I lost it. And when I say I lost it, I mean I really lost it. I screamed and cried and screamed and cried some more. I laid on my bathroom floor crying for more than an hour and decided this is it, I quit. I can't be Cult Nails anymore. I have to choose, support my family working a day job and be there for them at night, or sacrifice and try to make this dream a reality. I quit! I quit! I quit! Of course, unfortunately the person on the receiving end of my screaming was John. I think it hurt him to see me so hurt, I could see it in his eyes. But he said no. He just looked me in the eyes and said "you are not quitting on your dreams!" What a jerk! At least at that moment, that is what I felt. Now with a few days behind me and some perspective, I realize it was just pent up stress that I was feeling. I'm not a crier, so for me that is huge. I'm not a quitter, so to feel so defeated is scarey. I mean honestly, it's just a small delay right? right? That's what I keep telling myself.

Anyway, so thanks to John, I don't quit. But the emotions are still raw. But I am still standing and more determined to grow this cult in 2012. I have the best Culties in the world! I have never imagined the amount of support and encouragement I would receive from you guys! You guys are helping make a dream come true and pushing me along the way! I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am to all of you. So really thanks to John and you guys, I don't quit.

The reason I share all this, which to me is extremely personal, is this: 2012 is a New Year. It is a new beginning. My struggles are nothing compared with the struggles others are facing. But there is always hope. So let's make 2012 the year of dreams. Let's all work towards making our dreams come true! Let's push each other forward to make them happen. Nothing in life worth having is worth having without hard work. So we will work harder and hopefully smarter. We will make it the best year yet. Thanks for sticking with me through the downs of 2011 and the many many ups! Next year I want to see Cult Nails in magazines, I want to see Cult Nails in stores, but mostly, I want to see Cult Nails on you! Let 2012 be the best year yet! We got this!

20 comments:

  1. Oh Maria! *HUGS* Im glad that you didn't quit. I understand this rant more than you know. 2012 is gonna be THE YEAR!
    Love,
    forever a cultie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing something so personal. Taking on such a major challenge cannot have been easy, especially when you have to balance your dreams with the demands of reality. That's why you're such a role model for me. And John has really raised the bar for other men. I hope 2012 will be easier for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope today is looking a bit brighter than it was the day before. I completely understand starting a small business and working at your "regular" job at the same time. It is exhausting, exciting, and pulls your emotions apart. Then the fact that you're working almost around the clock makes you wonder if you're neglecting your kids for something that will and could never compare to them. Chin up and I hope you hit that point this year with Cult Nails where things become a tad more effortless. So many of us love what you have to offer and will continue to support you as you build your brand :) And hats off to your husband, who is being a support to you! Having a partner in life and in business that can pull you up out of your darker moments is an amazing blessing!

    ReplyDelete
  4. *hugs* Maria- I am glad you decided not to quit. Your polishes are amazing, and I am looking forward to seeing what 2012 has in store. Remember that we are all here for you and love you, and support you! Cult Nails rocks!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You'll never be sorry standing up for the quality of your products. Even if it means delays, slightly higher prices, etc. Your polishes are wonderful and we'll wait if we have to. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Maria, I know it's hard sometimes to keep going, and I know your emotional breakdown was probebly needed for two reasons: first, to release some of the pressure you're under, and second, to give you more strength to continue to pursue your dream. You have done something amazing with Cult Nails in a very short period of time. Many larger companies have taken much longer to gain the popularity and status that you already have, and that's because you and your family work so hard and you have a very good understanding of the industry. Unfortunately, when you don't have total control over everything--which is nearly impossible--you are at the mercy of those things that are out of your control. By that I mean the lab, the postal service, suppliers, etc. Just know that you go above and beyond, you are very talented, and you work extremely hard. At the end of the day, you've done everything you could possibly do to take care of and maintain your family and your business. Enjoy your success, be proud of your accomplishments, and know that some days you will always feel like giving up. But you won't, because the disappointment you would feel would be far worse than a temporary delay in a collection. Keep up the great work that you all do, and don't be too hard on yourself :) Happy 2012 to you and your family, and I wish you continued success.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I could write a super long comment, but you're a military wife like me. We got this.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for sharing this Maria! I know it really isn't easy but hang in there! You can't quit till the whole world knows about Cult Nails and has Cult Nails on their fingers(: That includes me! When I finally have enough money to purchase my first Cult Nails(: Don't quit before then! Your creations are gorgeous, they're your babies, each and every one of them!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh Maria. I'm so glad John was there for you to help you through it. I think we all reach that point at times in life and to persevere through shows the true strength and courage in a person. We're all here for you, even if you don't see us. You can do it- plus how can your daughter be CEO of Cult Nails without you? *hug*

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just want to say you can do it! I love your polish and I absolutley know that others do as well! I had a father contact me desperatley trying to find Unicorn Puke because that's all his daughter wanted for christmas! Can you believe it?!? Your amazing, Cult Nails is amazing! I'm so glad you didn't quit lol XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  11. It takes a super strong woman to stand back up, brush herself off and in the midst of her frustration and lowest of lows to come back and give US a motivational speech that brings tears to the eyes. You were meant for this. It is evident in everything you do. The passion, the determination, the support-those things do not come easily. Believe me, I know. You will be stronger for it! We support you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so happy to be able to feed my nail polish addiction while at the same time supporting such a unique and talented individual as you. Your creations are among the cream of the industry, and I would sorely miss flaunting your beautiful vision on my digits if for some reason I couldn't any more. Thanks so much for the blood, sweat, and tears - you are an inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are giving your kids a wonderful role model to look up to...you're setting a great example for them, especially in this lousy economy! Never forget that.
    Also, you're inspiring ME. I'm not working right now, haven't been for a while. I'm a widow with a 10-year-old daughter, so the only example she sees on a daily basis is the one I give her. I need to get myself in gear and go back to school, a dream I've had for a very long time, so I will have actual, employable skills, but I'm really too scared to do that, and the longer I wait the more frightened I am...Sorry--TMI !
    Anyway, you are a definite inspiration to me, a proud Cultie. Keep it up, don't ever stop!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think we all need a mini-breakdown sometimes like the one you had to release all the stress and start again with a new perspective. I love you for sharing this story!
    <3 I am so looking forward to 2012 and all it has in store for all of us!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank goodness that Juan set you strait! I would be so sad without Cult Nails... be strong!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maria - what is not anywhere in your post is how SUCCESSFUL 2011 was! You are an amazing woman which comes through in your blogs, posts and tweets. That is part of what makes the company what it is. All your culties want your amazing polish, but we also want YOU to succeed in your dream.

    And while yes, we all wait anxiously for the release of a new collection (starting about 15 minutes after we get our preorders) part of the fun is the anticipation,, the wait, and the journey we feel apart of through your blogging.

    A delay SUCKS, but its just more time for us to anticipate and wait (which really is fun in itself). I may need someone to remind me of that once I make another presale!

    I wish you nothing but love and success in 2012! I know I speak for us all when I say
    I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT CULT NAILS 2012 BRINGS US!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. This was a great post. The sheer rawness and reality of it just puts all of this into perspective. You are definitely an awesome woman who is building a great empire. No matter the delay, the Culties will be right here waiting on the next collection.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Maria, you are honestly all kinds of amazing. I hope Cult Nails becomes more and more successful!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. don't quit! you have the best polishes with so many unique stand outs! we need you ;)
    you are AMAZING. Look back at everything achieved in just a years time. IMAGINE what you'll achieve in 2012!! It's going to be great! We all have breakdowns, we need them to make us stronger people. No matter what, family comes first, but you should always think of yourself too!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Maria, I guess I can't even imagine how much stress this double job is for you. I just can see from far away (Germany) what a wonderful job your doing. And what a lovely husband - giving you the power to carry on.

    I wish you all the best for 2012.

    And maybe your next collection is delayed, but it'll sure be coming. And I'll watch out for it, even though I'm not much of a "nude-wearing-girl" - but I'm sure, the twist you'll add to the shades will be irresistable.
    *hugs*

    Isabel

    ReplyDelete