Well after doing my hair everyday, it became apparent that I could wear my hair down in my face, but not up because it was just a smidge too long. As well when I wore it in my face, it kept poking me in the eyeballs. At the salon I thought I would be able to just push them back, but it was just the right length to keep poking me in the eyes no matter what I did. Then just to keep the fun factor up I started getting crazy amounts of acne on my forward from my hair being down all the time. I started to pin it back, but wasn't digging that look since it felt like I was just growing out a short cut. Which OK I guess eventually I would get there anyway, but I wanted to be able to do a little faux hawk up and have it look done or wear it down when I wanted too. Then the little tail in the back kept bugging me. I felt like I was growing a mullet. It just seemed like two very minor adjustments. Trim the front and back, leave the rest alone.
So I went back and showed her pictures of exactly what I wanted to be able to do. This would require just cutting the tail off the back and shaping it and trimming the front to graze just below my eyebrows. No other big changes at all. I told her I wanted to be able to put it up or down. Even more she kept looking at the picture while cutting my hair to make sure it was right. What I ended up with is hacked up hair! Below are the pics I brought her. These are of WhippyCake on Etsy. See how the back is just a bit shorter? See how it can be worn up or down?
The front isn't really shorter on her, but I asked for mine just a tiny bit shorter so it wouldn't keep poking me in the eyes.
I can't even begin to understand what she did. It is purely hacked. I can't wear it down because it isn't even and doesn't even come to my eyebrows. Not even close. Then she cut the sides too, which she was in front of me cutting so I couldn't really see in the mirror what she was doing, so I thought she was maybe just trimming it up. When I did see what she was doing, I told her that it didn't look like the cut I wanted, that is looked too short and that it wasn't going to let me do what I wanted. She insisted it would, that the only reason it looked like that was because she had already put product in my hair. I could tell that this was not the case, but what good would arguing do? It wouldn't make my hair grow back right then and there. I thought OK maybe it's not as bad as I think. Maybe once I get home and play with it, it will look better. Sadly that is not the case. Every time I look in the mirror I want to cry. I feel the anger boiling at the service. I blame her for not doing what I asked. I blame myself for not paying more attention. I just get angry. I have been cranky since getting it cut. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, that is how upset I am.
Don't I look happy?
I keep telling myself it's just hair. It's just hair. But really we all know that's not true. how many of you would go and chop your hair off? Shave your head? No? Then it isn't just hair. If I hear one more person tell me that, I might just grab the scissors and show them it's just hair myself! I know people are trying to be nice, but look, I'm upset. Nothing they say will make it grow back! Is that supposed to make me feel better? Or they say It doesn't look bad, it's cute! That isn't the point, the point it I hate it. Now I say that, but let me take a moment to add to my irrationality. I have had my hair this short before On purpose at that. I loved the cut when I had it. It's exactly what I wanted. That was over 14 years ago. Today, right now, it is not what I want. I don't look the same way I did 14 years ago. I am not the same person anymore. I don't want that cut anymore! So basically I feel like I am just being a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum over something so insignificant when there are so many more things going on in this world, heck in my own world that this shouldn't really matter! Yet it does. It's so friggin' stupid! I need to get myself in check!
Or maybe I need to see if I can get extensions on this short hair! This is EXACTLY why I grew out my short hair in the first place - because so many stylists can not do short hair! When it's long and they mess it up, it can be hidden, but when it's short? There's nothing you can do! So I plaster a smile on my face along with a lot more makeup than usual and big earrings and pretend I like what I see. Fun huh? This will go on for I'm guessing the next 3 months. My hair grows at a decent pace, so I am hoping it is just 3 months.
In the meantime, I thought of not posting any pictures of myself. Not allowing anyone to take any photos. But then I thought this is so ridiculous of me! I decided I am going to keep posting away. Maybe somewhere along the way, my confidence will return. You can join me through the growing out stage to get it back to where it was. This should be fun right? Well my point is, there is no point in my being angry. There is nothing I can do. I know saying it is not going to stop how I feel, but I am going to force myself to deal with this positively. I hate negativity and I am finding myself in the negative hole. So now you can have the fun of following me along in my journey of taking this bad cut to something cute. Or at least cute enough! But I thought I would share, since I share just about everything else. Why not share the bad along with the good right? I thought writing this out would make me feel better too. So far it's not working. So far just seeing the pics makes me sad again. All this for hair. Wow do I feel vain! But seriously I wonder if I can get extensions with my hair being this short? hmmmm....